I want to be the Caramel Macchiato you buy at Starbucks while hurrying to get to the office before your boss arrives. I want to be the cigarette you smoke on your lunch break. I want to be the funny dog in the Vine you replay six times in a row when you don’t feel like working. I want to be the latest Taylor Swift hit that inspires you to survive a long day. I want to be the clickbaity BuzzFeed article you clicked on without knowing why you would even read it. I want to be the slutty girl on Instagram you jerk off to at the office, like Matthew McConaughey did in The Wolf of Wall Street. I want to be the awkward exercise you do in front of your computer for five minutes every hour to stay healthy. I want to be the reason your boss gives you a warning not to procrastinate any more.